The Paralympics

After my return from Scotland I was ready to write of my experiences in that fine country, but I decided I had to write about the Paralympics which has now started in London.

What I noticed from the start of the opening ceremony, and which had carried on throughout the games, are not only the extreme hardships all the participants have had to endure to reach this level, but also their obvious enjoyment.

What a pleasure to see such happy people. The smile on their faces as they approach the start of each event is wonderful. In comparison to the more professional athletes of the preceding games (and it a lot of cases highly paid athletes) who at the beginning of each event had such stark and stern looks on their faces.

The only time they smiled was if they won a medal.

I can understand why they have such joy in their heart as they enter the arena. If you have a disability you face many hardships in life especially if you were born disabled.

A lot of these athletes will have had to face a life time of being bullied at school, sneered at by strangers and generally looked down upon.

What a feeling it must be to walk in front of eighty thousands cheering, clapping people who have paid to watch your sporting skills.

This is one thing all those people who thought they were better than them will never experience, and is one of the many reasons why I will be in the crowd cheering these athletes on. 

The Library

May 2011 had given way to July and July had given way to August. I was now in a settled routine of writing. From Monday to Wednesday I would be perched on the sofa with hot-water bottle, ice pack and pain killers and would write non-stop on new chapters. On Thursday I would complete my voluntary work and when this had finished at 14.00; I would hobble to the central library and sit there all afternoon making the changes to my previous weeks work.

Some people think the library service is doomed because of new forms of information gathering but you couldn’t be further from the truth. The library I use is always packed as it offers other services like internet access, restaurant, museum, children's library, tourist information and much more. In fact it was so packed on some days I had to hang around waiting for a chair and desk to become free.

It was never a bother waiting for ten minutes because just like being in a book store (as I explained in the secret to life, part one) there can’t be a more relaxing, and free, past time than browsing through a random selection of books.

On Friday morning I would do some more voluntary work then in the early afternoon pay a visit to the Chiropractor.

After being clicked to the left, and then to the right, and jigged about like a ragdoll on a roller coaster I would hobble my way to my local pub for some painkilling pints of beer and have a meeting with Dangerous John. As we swapped chapters and I took on board what he thought of my writing; I looked forward to the weekend off.

For just like any job I tried to keep the weekends free.

 

Joker's Monday

Here we are; Monday again. As this is being uploaded I am in Scotland for a holiday. I have my pad and pen with me as I advised in an earlier blog because although I am here to enjoy the delights of this wonderful part of the world I can’t help myself; I just have to write down for future use anything which may be of interest in any forthcoming  stories.

Mondays aren’t so bad when you are on holiday, but for those of you who aren’t here are a few jokes to cheer you up.

Pinnochio was getting moaned at by his girlfriend about consummating their passions. “She said that every time we make love she gets splinters,” he told Gipetto, the carpenter.

“Sandpaper, my boy, that’s what you need” was the carpenter’s reply.

A couple of weeks later the carpenter met Pinnochio. “How are you getting on with the girl now?” he asked.

“Who needs girl’s?” replied Pinnochio.

It was the night of the super hero’s convention, and Superman turned to Batman and said “I have just had a sexual experience with Wonder Women. I was flying over the city when I saw her sunbathing nude on the roof top, so I flew down, stripped off, climbed on and shagged her.

Batman said, “Blimey, I bet she was surprised!”

Superman replied, “Not half as surprised as the Invisible Man!”

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with an excellent new hearing aid.

He returned a month later for a check-up, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family just let. I still sit around quietly; but now I listen to the conversation. I’ve changed my will three times already!”

The Volunteer

At the end of July 2011 I was still suffering in great pain because of the bulge in spine and seemed to be making no progress. Other than filling myself up with pain killers and alcohol (with the two mixed together I almost felt normal) I knew I had to keep active, or I would seize up completely. I would then have only two choices, go under the knife or spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

I had been sitting down for up to twelve hours a day tapping furiously at the keyboard and only moving when I needed refreshments, or the toilet. Some days the stiffness and pain was too much to handle. I honestly thought I would be a cripple for the rest of my life.

The weather was nice and even though I love it when I can write, the sun was calling me to go outside, to take a break, and to do something different.

It was then I knew I needed, for at least two days weeks, to take some form of a break and work at something other than writing.

I didn’t want to go back into paid employment because in my mind I had a job, I was a writer (although I hadn't made a penny). No I wanted to volunteer for unpaid work and that’s what I did.

By the end of the week I had volunteered to help two different Charities for part of Thursday and on Fridays as well.

I have never let experienced writers block and hope never too. I think having these two different experiences during the week helps to keep my mind fresh.

I would recommend any writer to have other interests not related to writing so as to help the mind experience different states that it needs to absorb new ideas.

Because at the end of the day all writing is just someones experiences re-shaped, and retold in a different voice.

The writing plan

As my manuscript flowed from my brain through my fingers and onto the computer in that first month of May I soon found myself hurtled into the month of June and before long it would be July.

As July 2011 approached I found that during certain moments of the day I would have a flash back shoot into my head about a previous chapter, and decided I needed to make changes to it.

By then I had written thousands of words and scrolling through every page on the screen trying to locate the relevant sentence was a slow and at times very frustrating experience. It was then I knew I needed a writing plan so I could easily keep track, and is a great help to any new writer or even established writer.

Each person should have their own writing plan which is best for them, but the simple method I found that worked for me is as follows.

A single A4 sheet of paper with four rules columns running vertically.

The first column you write the chapter number.

The second column you write the chapter name (If you have one)

The third column should have the page numbers (e.g., 1-15)

The fourth column the number of words in that chapter.

As an example it would look as my plan looked below.

(1)  Mary  1-2 (197 words)

(2) Daniel 3-15 (3601 words)

(3) Forbidden Secrets 16-25 (2548 words)

Etc.

Etc.

Just high-light each chapter to get the word count. The great thing about keeping this simple structure to your manuscript is that when you get the first editor’s report back and it states. “You need to cut 20,000 words, or it says you need to add more depth in parts of the manuscript,” then just a quick glance at the word count per chapter should shout out to you where changes need to be made.

You will find that over time you will have ended up writing half-a-dozen plans as you have to redraft your manuscript, and it can be quite amusing to compare you final writing plan with the first one.

Jokers Monday

As once again another Monday looms in front of us. Here are a small selection of jokes which I hope will lighten your mood. These are a selection of Chav jokes (for American viewers, Chav’s are the British equivalent of people who live in trailer parks.)

For anyone from other parts of the world like Russia, Germany or China who regularly follow these pages you must have a similar nickname, but I’m afraid I don’t know what it is. 

It’s not nice to pick on people who maybe don’t have the same outlook on life as yourself, but without mockery there would be no humour, and without out this no comedy. And what a boring place this world would be without comedians.

Q. What’s the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

A. One’s thick and hairy, the other’s a coconut.

Q. Two Chavs jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.

Q. What does a Chav girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30-year-old Chav girl?

A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Chav in a suit?

A. The defendant.

Q. What do you call a Chav with 9 Qualifications?

A. A liar.

Q. What do you call a Chav girl in a white Tracksuit?

A. The bride.

Q. What do you say to a Chav with a Job?

A. Bigmac please.

The secret to life (part two)

There I was at the airport ready to jet off to the sun for my annual holiday. It’s one of the few pleasures when you are stuck in the departure lounge for two hours without much to do. What is this pleasure? It’s slowly strolling around the bookshop picking out potential books to read while you relax by the pool or on the beach.

It caught my eye; I picked up the book and read the first page. I read a couple more then put it back. I already had the two books I needed to last me through the holiday. I stood there looking at the cover and somehow it called to me to pick it up again.

That was it, my mind was made up. I put down one of the other books and bought this one instead.

Over the holiday I read it from one end to the other and it made total sense to me.

I have read it every year since and passed it to others to read. You either understand it and slowly you will find that over the following years it will change your life, or you won’t and your life will go on as normal.

What is the books title?

It’s called the Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

All I can say is give it a read. Let me know if you already have and if you now know the secret to life, or not?