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This is a process all published authors have to go though and no doubt they all feel the same way as I did when you work your way through the editor's remarks. So for all you budding authors out there below is the first chapter to Daniel Jones Doom (wort's and all) and the remarks of the editor. For you non authors then you are the first members of the general public to get the chance to read the first chapter of my new book.
Like in Frenzy a Daniel Jones story the first chapter to Daniel Jones Doom is only a page long and introduces a character that appears later in the story.
A slap to the face brought no respite from the shouting.
A hard punch to the nose brought silence as the man slumped to the ground[F3] . His hands were un-ceremonially tied together with rough twine and then to a rope attached to the horse’s saddle from which he would be dragged to captivity.[F4] .
A couple of kicks to his backside brought him back to consciousness, and as he struggled to his feet, a rag was stuffed into his mouth[F5] . He mumbled futile words of protest, but his gagged pleas fell on deaf ears as the Hunter lifted himself onto his horse’s saddle.
‘I should have executed you for disobeying Procedure Six, but I think we shall take you to the Achievement Centre. Our masters can make up their own minds about what to do with you.’
The other gang members laughed mockingly as they trotted off down the road dragging their crying captive behind.
Under the protective cover of a ruined building his young son watched in silent terror.
[F1]Is it the same person who says 'No' as asks the question about the son?
I AGREE DELETE THE WORD ‘No’
[F3]Do you mean floor or ground? Floor would suggest indoors.
I AGREE IT’S BETTER TO USE GROUND WHEN OUTSIDE AND FLOOR FOR INSIDE BUILDINGS
[F4]Dragged behind or dragged from behind?
I AGREE I HAVE CHANGE TO dragged to captivity.
[F5]You don't really need a new paragraph here.
I AGREE PLEASE CHANGE
What do you think?