Daniel Jones Doom (editor's copy)

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After my return from Tunisia the editor's changes to my new book Daniel Jones Doom the sequel to FRENZY a Daniel Jones Story was emailed to me. I have been working on it ever since. You have to be opened minded during this process because you have a stranger telling you where they think you have gone wrong, and it can be hard to except that something you have been working on for the last two years isn't as perfect as you may believe.

This is a process all published authors have to go though and no doubt they all feel the same way as I did when you work your way through the editor's remarks. So for all you budding authors out there below is the first chapter to Daniel Jones Doom (wort's and all) and the remarks of the editor. For you non authors then you are the first members of the general public to get the chance to read the first chapter of my new book.

Like in Frenzy a Daniel Jones story the first chapter to Daniel Jones Doom is only a page long and introduces a character that appears later in the story.

It's up to you as the author to except or disregard the comments that the editor recommends, but sometimes the editor will just change the sentence, and leave a strong remark that you just have to agree too. Then again there are times when you are just as forceful and will stand by your original wording. At the end of the day the reader will decide what they like so I will leave you to decide, and if you think something different about the chapter below then please feel free to contact me. 

CHAPTER ONE

JACK

’

A slap to the face brought no respite from the shouting.

‘What about my son[F1] ?’[LM2] 

A hard punch to the nose brought silence as the man slumped to the ground[F3] . His hands were un-ceremonially tied together with rough twine and then to a rope attached  to the horse’s saddle from which he would be dragged to captivity.[F4] .

A couple of kicks to his backside brought him back to consciousness, and as he struggled to his feet, a rag was stuffed into his mouth[F5] . He mumbled futile words of protest, but his gagged pleas fell on deaf ears as the Hunter lifted himself onto his horse’s saddle.

‘I should have executed you for disobeying Procedure Six, but I think we shall take you to the Achievement Centre. Our masters can make up their own minds about what to do with you.’

The other gang members laughed mockingly as they trotted off down the road dragging their crying captive behind.

Under the protective cover of a ruined building his young son watched in silent terror.

---

 [F1]Is it the same person who says 'No' as asks the question about the son?

I AGREE DELETE THE WORD ‘No’

 [LM2]This is immediately confusing (which is not the same as intriguing).

 [F3]Do you mean floor or ground? Floor would suggest indoors.

I AGREE IT’S BETTER TO USE GROUND WHEN OUTSIDE AND FLOOR FOR INSIDE BUILDINGS

 [F4]Dragged behind or dragged from behind?

I AGREE I HAVE CHANGE TO dragged to captivity.

 [F5]You don't really need a new paragraph here.

I AGREE PLEASE CHANGE

What do you think?

Regards

Mark