Here we are again, another Monday morning. What a depressing weekend of negative news from the media. I try to watch, or read, less and less of the news as I find it can change my mood in such a negative way.
You wake up felling ok and then watch the early morning bulletins with its death and destruction. Reading the paper or looking over the internet news feeds throughout the day is no different; all you get is negative reports on humanities destructive activities against their fellow person or the planet. You can, without realizing it, end up feeling; what’s the point in life?
Sometimes ignorance is best, if not then a joke and a laugh can help overcome all this negative energy. So I hope the below will go just a little way towards bringing some positive energy into your life today.
Argument = a discussion that occurs when you’re right but he just hasn’t realized it let.
Barbecue = you bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up. But he made the dinner’.
Childbirth = you get to go through 36 hours of painful contractions; he gets to hold your hand.
Exercise = to walk up and down a shopping arcade, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Hairdresser = someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.
Valentine’s Day = a day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara = comes off if you cry, swim or it rains, but not if you want to remove it.
Top five rejection lines given by women.
(1) I’m not attracted to you in that way. (You are the ugliest man in the world.)
(2) I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.)
(3) I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
(4) I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a tub of chocolate ice-cream.)
(5) I don’t date man where I work. (I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last man in the solar system, much less the office.)
I hope these brought a smile to your face. If you have anymore then please post them on the comment section or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will let the world see what you find funny.