It was now sixteen months since I had handed in my notice, gave up a secure job, and risked every thing to write my manuscript, with the final hope of one day getting it published.
It had been a very hard sixteen monhts, not only with having to live on the poverty line, but also with all the many various rejections I had received on the way.
Now I was hanging-around once again waiting for some news. Anything, even a rejection is better than not hearing anything at all. Alway-hanging-around can be dreadfull. Not knowing is the worst feeling of all. When you get turned down at least you can move on to the next stage. Not knowing just leaves you in limbo, in no-mans land, at the gates of hell.
Normally it can take up to six months to hear back from an agent or publisher you have approached, and this is what I had set my sights on before I expected to get any reply from the publishing companies I had sent my final finished manuscript to.
Then I had a surprise! After two weeks an envelope came through the letterbox.
I picked it up. It looked different. It wasn't an a A4 self-addressed envelope (with postage) which I had sent off with my initial approach letter, plus sample chapters. It had a postage paid stamp in the name of one of the publishers I had only just approached.
It felt different as I picked it up off the floor.
I felt excited, but scared at the same time. I was near to the point where I couldn't take anymore rejections. Life had been hard lately, not just with the money but also with my wife. She had been prepared to back me, but only up to a point, and that point had been reached,
If there was no further progress then I had one simple choice, give up and go back to work full time. Back to the rat race. Back to fifty to sixty hour working weeks, earning much needed money, but giving up on my dream.
I took it through to the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked at it and then slowly with my finger ripped the top of it open.
I pulled the letter out.
What did it say?
Was it another rejection letter?
Would my beating heart be let down once again?